Sometimes we give our attention to someone who doesn’t really deserve our attention any longer. This is especially true after a relationship grows cold or ends without your understanding why. It’s only natural to think about the other person and wonder what happened but if that person doesn’t look back they probably got what they needed from you. As hard as that is to accept, it helps to remember that a person’s behavior has more to do with them and their issues than it does with you. Perhaps it was you who changed in the relationship. Maybe you stopped giving them what they wanted from you. You were no longer the giver, the enabler or the fixer to someone who used you. When you changed the dynamics of the relationship they either moved on to find someone new or blamed you. You probably saw more in them than what was really there or believed in their potential so the end of the relationship felt like a loss. The truth is the end of the relationship was a blessing.
If someone doesn’t appreciate you or value you, especially when you do most of the caring and giving, they don’t deserve any more of your time and energy. If someone is committed to misunderstanding you or believing a version of you that is not accurate but fits their narrative to justify their life, that is their choice. There are some people that are not meant to be a part of your life. There are some people that need to be kept at a safe distance. Trust that what is meant for you will find its way to you. Sometimes it’s not about a person staying in your life, it’s about the lesson they leave you with. Don’t let the lesson harden your heart. Let the lesson remind you of who you are and what you deserve.
It can take some time to remember who you are and regroup after a confusing, one-way relationship ends especially if those around you don’t acknowledge it. Not everyone needs or cares to hear your side of the story and that is okay. All that matters is that you have the clarity about who someone really is even if others don’t. Your awareness will help you move forward and not look back. It will make you more cautious but that’s okay. Healthy relationships and friendships take time to mature.
Relationships with friends and family built on mutual care, respect, honesty and the desire to communicate and work through stuff are the ones that matter. People in healthy relationships understand that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and that is how we learn to be better human beings and build stronger relationships with each other. Spend your time and energy on those who deserve and appreciate your kindness, depth and generosity. Some relationships are worth your attention and worth building a future and some relationships are just meant to be one of life’s invaluable lessons. It’s important to know the difference.